DA-040 - “The Imperfect Printer”
Object Class: Variable
Secure Containment Guidelines:
DA-040 is to be contained within a specially designed anomalous item containment chamber at Site-██. The containment chamber must be equipped with fire suppression systems and maintained at a temperature of 20°C to prevent overheating. DA-040's power supply must be disconnected at all times except during approved testing procedures. Testing on DA-040 requires the written authorization of at least two Level-3 personnel. Under no circumstances should personnel attempt to connect DA-040 to any network or computing system.
Description:
DA-040 is an ordinary-looking desktop inkjet printer, approximately 50 centimeters in length and 30 centimeters in height. It lacks any brand name or manufacturer's logo, making it difficult to trace its origin. Despite its mundane appearance, DA-040 exhibits highly anomalous behavior. The printer is incapable of printing any physical copies of documents and instead continuously produces a stream of errors.
When connected to a power source, DA-040 immediately powers on and starts a self-diagnostic routine. The printer's display panel flickers with nonsensical error messages, numbers, and symbols, making it impossible to interpret any meaningful information. No paper or ink cartridges are necessary for DA-040 to initiate its error sequence.
Attempts to print any document using DA-040 always result in error messages related to the printing process. These errors range from standard printer malfunctions to bizarre and nonsensical error codes. DA-040 displays an extraordinary variety of errors, many of which are not recognized by any known printer model or manufacturer.
The error messages produced by DA-040 have a memetic effect on individuals who attempt to interpret them. Extended exposure to the errors can cause severe mental distress, including anxiety, paranoia, and even hallucinations. Prolonged exposure has been observed to lead to a complete breakdown in cognitive function and emotional stability. It is advised that personnel exercise caution and limit exposure to DA-040's error messages.
Investigation into DA-040's internal components has revealed no abnormalities or alterations that would account for its anomalous behavior. Despite extensive analysis, no known methods have been found to interrupt or reset the printer's error sequence. DA-040 has proven resistant to physical damage, including attempts to dismantle or disable it.
Addendum: Incident DA-040-A
On ██/██/████, Dr. █████ attempted to connect DA-040 to a secure research computer system in an attempt to analyze its error codes further. The moment the connection was established, the computer system experienced a catastrophic failure, resulting in the loss of several sensitive files and irreversible damage to the network. Dr. █████ suffered a mental breakdown shortly after the incident, necessitating permanent medical care. As a result, connecting DA-040 to any network or computing system is strictly prohibited.
Testing Log:
The following is an excerpt from the testing log of DA-040, highlighting the range of errors produced:
Test #: DA-040-07
Input: Blank document
Error Message: Error 404: Paper not found. Please consult a wizard.
Test #: DA-040-14
Input: JPEG image file
Error Message: Error 666: Demon detected in print queue. Exorcism in progress.
Test #: DA-040-23
Input: Ancient Egyptian hieroglyphics
Error Message: Error -42: Lost in translation. Attempting to retrieve Rosetta Stone.
Test #: DA-040-30
Input: Shakespeare's "Hamlet"
Error Message: Error 777: Printer caught in a tragic soliloquy. Printer experiencing existential crisis.
Note: Testing on DA-040 has been suspended indefinitely due to the risk posed to personnel and the lack of progress in understanding or controlling its anomalous properties.
DA-040 poses a significant challenge due to its constant production of errors and the mental distress it can cause. Research efforts are ongoing to determine the origin and nature of its anomalous behavior.
